But now, I have a memory
by Yui Miyamoto
Summary: This is the sequel to 'Yours for a day' and from Aoki's perspective when he and Karen spend the day together...


Disclaimer: Clamp owns X. The song lyrics are from Deep Inside Of You' is by Third Eye Blind.  
  
My grandmother once told me, "I love music boxes. But I love the song, 'Love Story' the best. Even if it is sad…"  
  
"Why would you like something that's sad?" I asked not really knowing about the world yet.  
  
"Oh, Seii-chan…you will understand." She smiled at me as she patted my head. "Someday you'll understand why I love that song so much."  
  
"But why?"  
  
"Sometimes…there are stronger bonds than even love."  
  
  
But now, I have a memory…  
(Sequel to 'Yours for a day')  
By miyamoto yui  
  
  
As I stood outside the entrance of Karen-san's workplace, I paced back and forth nervously. I was never really good at lying. So, how was I supposed to pull off a straight face while saying that my appointment was cancelled?  
I patted my forehead with my brown handkerchief and caught the other one in my hand and slipped it back into my other jacket pocket. "Technically, I scheduled it earlier this morning, but will she really buy that while I try not to stutter?  
  
I stopped walking as I spotted her coming out of the door with a distant look in her eyes. She always seemed so far away when she looked like that…  
  
"Konnichiwa, Karen-san!" I greeted her with a nervous smile.  
She turned her head and instantly smiled back at me.   
  
I lifted my hand and nodded at her.  
  
I wonder sometimes if I make her smile or is that a reflex to hide herself from me? Or from the world…?  
That was something I didn't completely understand about her yet.  
  
She walked up next to me and asked, "What brings you here? I thought we were meeting later."  
Karen-san even looked at her watch as she further commented, "Well, that's what I thought…"  
  
I laughed as I put my hand in the back of my head in apprehension. "Well, to tell you the truth, my appointment for today was cancelled, so I'm pretty much free for the day."  
  
Phew. I didn't stutter.  
Now, if she would just agree…  
  
I don't know why, but she always made me nervous.   
  
I didn't know if it was because I wanted to make her happy or if it was just the way I had always been around other people. When it came to Karen-san, I really didn't know what to do.  
All I did was act on an impulse, and somehow, because of my sincerity, it would work out.  
  
As we kept on walking, she then asked, "Well, what are you going to do today then?"  
"Take a day off," I immediately answered as I took out my handkerchief to hide my little white lie. I looked up and tried to change the subject with, "It sure is hot today."  
She just nodded her head. "Sou ne…"  
  
It became silent.  
And that made me even more uneasy.   
  
Had I done something wrong?  
  
We stopped at a busy intersection and waited for the light to turn green.  
"Today…" I cleared my throat as well as my tie. "I guess I'm yours for the day, Karen-san."  
"Hmm?" She immediately turned her head towards mine while looking a little flustered. "Excuse me? I didn't quite hear you correctly."  
  
I then smiled at her. "Let's do what you want to do today."  
  
It was funny to see her looking from side to side. Right now was her turn to be tense in front of me. The role reversal was really amusing. "Are you serious?"  
  
We then crossed the street as she shook her head unable to believe what I had just said.  
  
Then, she finally asked with a tinge of disbelief, "Wh-where did this come from?"   
  
I shrugged my shoulders. "You have a day off and I do too. So, why not?"  
I then looked at my hands and fidgeted as I blinked my eyes.   
  
How stupid to not ask her what her schedule was like. * sigh *  
I knew I should have just told her right from the beginning.  
  
"Unless you have things to do…" I started to say. "When I think of things like this, I forget those kind of possibilities…"  
It was my turn to look from side to side.   
She laughed as she watched me. "You're funny."  
  
"Did I ask something wrong, Karen-san?" I looked away from her.  
  
Yes, I have, haven't I? I sighed at that moment not really knowing what to do. I just wanted to spend the day with her because she's practically one of my best friends and it wasn't going well.  
I just can't pull this off like other people.  
  
"So, what do you think?" I then smiled at her not knowing what else to do.  
  
When in doubt, you smile, right?  
  
"Sure, why not?" she answered.  
  
I then became a little relaxed. "Where do you want to go first?"  
  
She pointed her head and hand in one direction. "There," she answered.  
  
I nodded my head.  
  
  
When we got there, I laughed aloud. She just continued to stare at the sign above us.   
"Think it's a little childish?" she asked with uncertainty almost wanting to turn back.  
"Naw…" I shook his head as I walked ahead.  
  
We're all like little kids anyway.  
Besides, I think I'm getting too old if my daughter drags me on rides that I'm starting to get nauseous from... ^^;;;  
And I used to enjoy them!  
  
We spent the whole morning at that amusement park. I was surprised at Karen-san's burst of energy. Ride after ride, my head began to swim, but I tried my best to enjoy them as much as she did. But when we got to something called the 'Sea Dragon', I shook my head as we went up and down.  
"Yuka-chan always laughs at me whenever we go on this ride," I commented as we left the ride.  
She smiled at me. "I can see why!"  
  
For a moment, her smile became a slight frown. When I was about to say something, she pulled my sleeve to go to an ice cream stand.   
"So, what do you want?" she asked me.  
"No, you don't have to," I politely declined while lifting my hand and smiling.   
"No," she insisted. "We have to eat the ice cream here. It's one of the best I've ever eaten. Now go and pick one."  
I shook my head while grinning. I gave in. "Okay. You said so. I'll pick…that."  
  
As we left the ice cream stand, she looked at my cone curiously "Who would have known you actually liked sherbet?"  
I did the same as I said, "I was expecting something exotic on your part. And you get chocolate?"  
We looked at one another's cones and laughed.  
  
It was beginning to become dim when we left the amusement park. But, as we passed by a certain park, I smiled. It was one of few that I had loved, but I never told anyone that before.   
At that moment, Karen-san entered it and sat on one of the swings in the playground. Like a little kid, she began to swing as I sat on the set next to hers and just watched. I had enough movement in the amusement park anyway.  
  
I was getting old. My, my.  
  
After a long silence, she said while still swinging, "I'm acting like a little kid."  
  
My head waved from side to side. "No, I'm glad you're enjoying swinging."  
  
She laughed while looking up to the stars that were beginning to appear above us. Karen-san began to stop swinging. When she had completely stopped, she looked at me.   
  
"You know what?" she asked.  
  
"What?" I questioned back.  
  
"When I was little, I would play on swings and pretend that I could fly." She stared at the stars again. "When you're little, you think you can do anything…"  
  
I held onto the chains beside me, but sighed while looking at the sand.   
  
"And then, you grow up," she finished. "You realize that there is so little you can do in the world."  
  
Then, she continued again. "Even if there was something you could do, would it all lead to the same thing if your destiny is already set out for you?"  
  
"I still think I can do anything," I answered her as I gazed at the stars.  
  
I felt her glance upon me at that moment, but I didn't turn to face her.  
  
It's true, Karen-san. You still can.  
While you have time…there are so many things to do…  
  
I wanted to pat her head at that moment, but I stopped myself.  
  
So I continued to say, "You just have to work with what you have. Someone once told me that the only person who can make you happy or unhappy is yourself."  
  
"That's right…" she replied.  
  
I could see where this was leading and so I instantly got up. "Come on, let's do something else," I energetically encouraged.  
  
"You're still not tired?"  
"No, not really. I'm enjoying today."  
"Me too."  
  
We then went to a café she frequented because they had a flavor that she couldn't find anywhere else. I laughed at her, but it was for a different reason.  
  
It wasn't amusing, though.  
It was because I was only too familiar with the feeling…  
  
After the café, we passed by many streets with closed shops. Only restaurants and pubs were open at that time, so you could hear loud voices of people everywhere.  
  
But, Karen-san then stopped in front of an antique shop. I stopped to watch her in curiosity.  
I think it was because she looked like a child that yearned for something in the window, but couldn't get it. In denial, I then looked away for a moment as I walked up next to her.  
  
When I stood next to her, I stared at the wonderful window display. "What are you looking at?"   
  
"That." She pointed to a beautiful, yet simple-patterned red music box to the left corner.   
  
I commented, "I didn't know you liked antiques."  
  
"Not particularly."  
  
"Do you know what song it plays?"  
  
"Love story, I believe." She then got up. "I asked the clerk once to play it for me."  
  
I haven't heard that in such a long time. I smiled softly to myself while nodding my head. "Oh…"  
  
But I still saw her hand pressed lightly on the glass window.  
I almost wanted to just buy it for her…  
  
If the shop had been open, I might have.  
  
  
I don't know why I find myself wanting to spoil her…  
  
  
"Sorry, I didn't mean to suddenly stop," she apologized as we began to walk once more.  
She looked so embarrassed.  
  
"That's okay. My grandmother used to have something like that." I smiled to assure her that it was perfectly all right by me. "I really liked that song 'Love story'. It's probably one of few that I would ever recognize."  
She laughed. "Aoki-san likes music boxes too."  
  
  
More than you'll ever know.  
  
  
I blushed. "Is that so strange?"  
  
"No. You just always surprise me."  
  
"I do?"  
  
She nodded her head readily.  
  
I wondered if that was a good thing.  
  
  
After walking for a while, we ended up on some street with a wonderful view of Rainbow Bridge.   
Excitedly, she took a hold of the railing and looked down at the ocean while smiling happily. "This has truly been a great day."  
  
She then glanced at me. "Thank you, Aoki-san."  
  
"Why are you thanking me?" I asked in surprise.  
  
I haven't done anything for you. Nothing at all…  
  
She then turned away as she looked at the waves once more. "Watashi no tanjoubi dakara…"  
  
I didn't say anything. I had known all along.  
  
She laughed at me. "Why are you so quiet?"  
  
"Because you said it was your birthday."  
  
"What's so surprising about that?"  
  
"Because today was the day my grandmother died."  
  
"Really? I'm sorry…"  
  
"Don't be." I then walked up next to her and picked up a pebble. I threw it into the ocean. "She said something to me before she died."  
  
"And what was that?"  
  
I almost didn't want to tell her.   
Maybe I am silly for being honest about everything to everyone around me.  
  
"She said that the woman I meet will be my best friend. She'll be one of my allies." I folded my arms as I leaned on the railing with a look of nostalgia written all over my face.   
  
I whispered softly, "With a stronger bond than even my wife…"   
  
That had always bothered me. I never understood what she meant.  
What could possibly be a stronger bond than love and giving protection to those you love?  
  
She didn't say anything and I continued to look at the ocean crashing. Going back and forth, back and forth…  
  
After a short silence, I finally said, "I'm sorry I lied."  
  
"Hmm? About what?"  
  
I wouldn't even look at her. I was too embarrassed by that point.  
  
"I knew it was your birthday. I asked you once and you told me that it wasn't important."  
  
Why do you always think that no one will care? But I couldn't find myself ever asking her this question.  
I was afraid of the answer she'd give because I knew it wouldn't be an easy one. And I was equally afraid of what I would have to answer to that response.  
  
"You remembered that…" her voice quivered.  
  
At that moment, I took out an apricot colored handkerchief from my pocket and handed it to her. Sincerely, I said, "I never liked it when you cried, Karen-san."  
  
Slowly, she took the handkerchief from me and wiped her eyes. "But I hardly cry in front of you."  
  
"You always look like you want to," I honestly, but seriously blurted out. I turned to face her. "Do I make you cry? If I do, I'm sorry."  
  
I then bowed, but she didn't say or do anything.  
  
It was always the same. I always felt like she and I needed to say something with these silences between us.  
But, we just couldn't find the right words to express them.  
  
She then patted my head. "No…"  
  
I looked at her.  
And I knew.   
  
There _was_ something.  
  
  
"That day…you made me cry." I lowered my eyes as I sighed. "When you said that no one would cry for you, I told you I would cry if you died."  
  
I looked from side to side wondering if I had said too much.  
  
"Because my mother told me that I was a demon. People don't cry for demons…"   
  
I looked at her, but she was lost again.  
And no matter how close I was, I couldn't assure her of anything. I didn't know what to do. What _could_ I do?  
  
There was no way I could comfort her. Even this strong women had her scars and her mask would break if I tried to push any further.  
  
But if she pushed my own mask…  
As much as I was sincere…  
Would she find something?  
  
Would we find something that shouldn't be there?  
  
I eradicated the thought.  
  
  
"Karen-san will make me sad when she dies…" I sighed as I tried to keep myself cool. "And I will lose one of my best friends…"  
  
"You really are a nice guy, Aoki-san," she softly whispered. "Why is it the good guys are either taken or married?"  
  
My eyes opened wide. Wasn't that what she said when we-  
  
Laughing, she added, "Or they're gay."  
  
Once again, I shook my head while whispering gently, "No, they're not."  
  
"Yes they are," she tried to persist.  
  
No…  
They're not, Karen-san.  
  
I then tilted my head with a smile as I handed her the birthday gift I had planned to give her. "I brought this for you. The apricot handkerchief comes in a set. It also has a scarf."  
  
"Th-thank you…" She tried her best not to cry.  
  
"Do you like it?" I then looked to the ground. "Well, my grandmother gave this to me as an heirloom…and I thought you should have it."  
  
"Give this to her, Seiichirou…" my grandmother's voice repeated in my head.  
  
She smiled and I could tell she was really happy. "But you already gave me a wonderful birthday present."  
  
I asked in shock, "I did?"   
  
"You were mine for the day?" she hesitated to say.  
  
"But all we did was walk around the city. That's so ordinary." I sighed unhappily. "I didn't do anything…"  
  
"You may think so." She then looked at the ocean again with my gift in her hands. "But…I always spent my birthday alone."  
  
"Karen-san…" was all I could say.  
  
With tears about to fall, she turned to face me with a grin. "And wherever we went today, I always was alone when I went there. But now, I have a memory that I didn't do those things alone."  
  
I couldn't say anything.  
  
Was there really nothing I could do?  
  
If I did…  
I think I'll pass that invisible boundary we're not supposed to pass…  
  
"And the music box? I have been watching that thing ever since I came to Tokyo. It reminded me of my childhood, but no one ever bought it. There was no point in me buying it since I am-"  
  
At that moment, I reached out and hugged her.  
  
"Aoki-san?"  
  
"Didn't I say I hated it when Karen-san cried?" I patted her head as I wiped her face with the apricot handkerchief.  
  
She lightly pushed me away while bowing and smiling. "Thank you."  
  
When we had turned around to walk away from one another, I shouted in back of her, "Matte yo!"  
  
She shouted as she faced me, "Yes?!"   
  
As I hurriedly went through my jacket pocket, I closed my eyes as I shouted, "Catch this!"  
  
She just looked at me in surprise.  
  
"I thought you might like it!" I waved and smiled at her as I turned around to walk away.  
  
Maybe…  
I shouldn't have done that.  
  
  
"Why is it the good guys are either taken or married?" Karen-san's voice again asked in my mind.  
  
I shook my head as I looked up at the stars. "No…they're not…"  
  
  
I was scared that maybe I was trying to convince myself more than her.  
To comfort her even if in only that…  
  
  
I then sighed as I looked at road before me.  
  
  
Maybe I think too much. I then smiled myself.  
  
No…  
She wouldn't remember that was the candy I gave her when we first met.  
  
"It was only candy right? I only gave her two pieces," I whispered to myself while holding my hand on my head almost wanting to laugh at my stupidity.  
  
  
No one could be as dorky as me to even remember something like that…  
  
It's…  
It's just candy.  
  
  
At that moment, it began to rain and I turned around to watch Karen-san's back walking away from me.  
  
Then, I walked back to that street where that antique shop was. As I passed by and saw the music box in the window, someone walked by and sang,  
  
"I never felt alone 'til I met you. I'm all right on my own, then I met you…"  
  
  
Smiling wistfully to myself, I then began to slowly understand what my grandmother had meant…  
  
  
--  
Author's note: I tried to see if I could capture Aoki's feelings. I like Karen and his friendship towards one another. And in another lifetime, I think they could be together. But, for now, I didn't want to make it that Aoki was in love with Karen, just a deep caring in a platonic relationship.  
I also purposely put a quote that each of them said as the titles. I don't know why. I'm just weird like that. 


End file.
